When children are overwhelmed by their anger, frustration or bored feelings, comfort and tranquility is incredibly important. It teaches the child to feel its own feelings and promotes its development of empathy (ie, empathy in the feelings of others), and it strengthens the child's self-esteem - both when it receives consolation and thus feels heard and labeled and when it gives comfort and Thus feels significant. Consolation is a 3-step process that the compassion can be benefited in.
The optimum consolation recognizes the emotions of the child, sends corresponding emotions back to the child (mirrors the child) and then diverts the child so that other feelings can take place. Against this background, one can talk about a BAG method. BAG stands for b eskriv , a nerkend and g uide further (B-A-G stands for description, recognition and guidance) .
The BAG method can be used from the child under the age of one until it even has children, and the method can be used in general in relation to all the child's feelings, both anger, jealousy, frustration and when it's sad.
1. Describe what you observe in the child :
First of all, it's about showing. That you see what the child is experiencing without having to put more on: "Hov, you fell ...", "You just wanted it there.?" "You want him to take it ...?" "You Just do not want to sit down and sleep now ". The less the child is, the fewer the words. If we begin to interpret why we think the child does this or hint, we'll put more on, for example. "It's because she tries boundaries", "It's because she is in independence" or "That's because she's so cool."
2. Recognize (accept) the child's experience:
Recognition is not about giving justice, but of showing that one understands what the other understands, as he / she understands it ("other + recognizing").
It's about showing the child that you can feel its feelings and understand the child. If your understanding of the child is too limited, so you do not understand what it is all about the child, you must be careful to accommodate its feelings, ie. Show that you can bear that the child has it, and it's OK.
The best way to show other people that we can feel them is mirroring their feelings, ie As a mirror, send the child's feelings back to the child and adjust and match our emotional expressions to theirs. It's about as much about your body language and your voice, as it's about what you're saying. Not only does it comfort you with words and say "I understand that well". If you do not live with your child's feelings with all of his body and soul, it seems hollow on even very young children.
Of course, in the case of anger, one should not be angry and angry. It only shows the child that even adults can not handle anger, and how should one be able to demand the child to handle the feeling appropriately?
3. Guide the child further
Here it is about being, like another scout leader, guiding the child's feelings on some other feelings. You push the child as quietly as you can. With very young children you can divert, for example. To draw attention to something else: "Try to see there's a bird", "Nejii, see a big bus coming there". With a little bigger child, it can be more direct as suggestions for what we can do together: "Look, here's a duckle, she's hungry. Come on, and we'll make some food for her. " From the pre-school age you can ask the child what it needs to do to help.
If the distraction does not work and the child continues to be in his anger / sadness / frustration, you may have gone too fast to guide the child further and must go back to acknowledge and simply accept and accommodate how the child got it.
All three elements are important to include: Describe - Recognize - Guide (BAG).
By accommodating and accepting the child's feelings and recognizing them (understanding what the child understands), we show that there are no feelings that are wrong. The child gradually learns, through your help, to understand and handle his own feelings. It learns to become "self-regulating" via "other regulation" - ie. Through your regulation of its feelings.
If you only describe and acknowledge the child's feelings without further guidance, the child will not learn how to proceed when it is wrong. If you do not describe and mirror the child's feelings before moving on, the child will feel that its feelings are not worth taking seriously. In other words, it will begin to doubt its own ability to feel itself, and may eventually be ill to handle different emotions (both for themselves and others) because it does not really know what it takes with them: The child has learned to ignore the feelings, and the child will take all the other things forward in other emotional contexts.
Robust and independent children are children who can feel themselves and can handle what they feel. Children who feel themselves are also better at feeling others, and have a higher degree of empathy and so-called social competence (ability to handle social interaction with others). It is a misconception that children become robust if you do not "piss" them (implicitly if you comfort them too much). Children become robust and independent by both being recognized and guided on.
Include the coincidence
Twins experience all the same, fewer situations where our parents match us emotionally because they are two who need our attention. We can give twins more experiences of how to feel emotionally with others by teaching them to do it when the compassion needs comfort and not only when they themselves are overwhelmed by their own feelings.
Twins thus have a greater opportunity to learn empathy through secondhand experiences because they as peers have a more experiential experience of what experiences and feelings the compassion has to be with.
Even when twins are barely 1 years old, one can advantageously involve the compassion of comforting their sister / brother. After comforting or underway (if not so bad), one can turn to the coincidence, describing: "Off, see brother fell" and help show understanding and recognition: "It hurts when you fall knowing You? "And with a little bigger twins:" What do you think you can do to make him happy again? "," What do you think he needs right now? ". It can help breathe and maybe even hand out kisses and hugs that can be picked up sut or favorite bam or the favorite play can be borrowed. At step three you can find something new to make, where the companion often has good imaginative input.
By consoling twins in consolation on an equal level, where there is a balance in that they both give and receive comfort from each other without being in charge of each other, we can strengthen their ability to show empathy in other people And thus their social skills.